Letter of Apology
Dear President Smithers:
As a recent employee of Wank Enterprises Inc., and as your subordinate, I must apologize for my behavior at the office party, which I will do in a moment.
It was, upon reflection, inexcusable of me to pee down your sock: that I will not deny. Nor was it good form to spray-paint "ASSHOLE" in day-glo colors on the back of your suit.
Please send me a bill, either to have the "ASSHOLE" removed or to buy a new suit, upon which I promise not to write "ASSHOLE" hereafter, whatever I may think personally.
As well, I agree with the 12% of my colleagues who feel it was not in the best of taste to stamp "CANCELLED" on your forehead while you lay unconscious in front of the Mens' Room following the impact of my laptop, which, I must tell you, was flung with a measure of good will and in a spirit of general
camaraderie which, as witness said impact, did not altogether exclude you.
As to your shoes, pants and tie, I have no idea where they are. Perhaps wherever your car is. In hope that you find all your possessions, and regain your complete IQ, I offer my apology as promised above, if I get my job back.
If not, well then, up yours, Smithers.
Tentative regards,
P. T. Winkler
